Products for folks who love their pets a little too much

Pet enthusiast

We all love our furry friends. They keep us company, they give us unconditional love, they remind us that there are good things in the world, even when stuff isn’t so great.

Some folks love their pets a lot. Like, a lot a lot. And sometimes, that devotion shows itself in interesting ways—like with these products.

The Lickibrush

The Lickibrush is a cat brush that you hold in your mouth, mimicking the actions of what two cats would do to bond with each other. The slogan is “Lick your Cat. Like a Cat.”

Cats are awesome, really, and it’s important to brush them—but does bonding really need to go this far? Your cat already thinks you’re a big, dumb cat—that’s why it brings you dead things, because you’re just not a good enough hunter to feed yourself—so maybe you don’t need to go full-on feline with the grooming.

Pet umbrella with leash

OK, we kind of get this. Kind of. It’s nice to try and keep your dog dry on rainy walks, if only because it makes your life a whole lot easier when you get home. Chances are, though, that unless you have a water-loving dog, in which case the umbrella is pointless anyway, your pooch is going to flat-out refuse to go for a walk on a rainy day. You’ll probably be better off to just get a wee doggy raincoat.

Pet high chair

OK, repeat after us—your pet is not a person. You can love them like one of your family, you can treat them with love and respect and all that good stuff—but they’re not people. They’re animals. And no animal is meant to sit at a table in a high chair.

Doggie water fountain

Hm. Dogs need water, that’s true. But do they really need their own drinking fountain? And do you want to train them how to use it? This device hooks up to your outside hose or indoor faucet (which you have to leave running), and has a pad that your pooch presses to get a fountain of water. Judging by the reviews, some dogs love it, and some are scared of it. Either way, there are probably better ways to spend $50 on your dog.

Pool floats for dogs

Sometimes you want to swim, and sometimes you just want to laze around in the pool and float. So, apparently, does your dog. These pool floats are made specifically for dogs (and, presumably, all two of the water-loving cats in the world), with material that’s meant to stand up against claws. But does your pet really need a pool float? A proper life jacket, sure, especially if they’re travelling with you in a boat. But…a pool float?

Cat furniture

This might be a good way to keep your cats from furring up the people furniture—but why would they need a matching set that may be nicer than what you’re currently sitting on? (Plus, if your kitties are reclining on their own furniture, that means they’re not curled up nicely on your lap.)

Cat work table

This is a gorgeous table, especially if you have a cat whose favourite place to sit is anywhere right where you need to work. But shelling out $5,000 just so your cat doesn’t settle down on your keyboard seems a little shortsighted. A better option? Rig up a DIY cat shelf on your desk if you want some furry company while you work.

Play date dog dress

OK, so if it’s not a good idea for your child to go on a play date in a nice dress—because mess—that’s probably doubly true for your dog. (Do dogs really go on organized play dates? Really?) The fact that this dress appears as one item in an entire website section devoted to dog formal wear is probably indicative that there are many more dogs rocking black tie than we previously thought.

Pet sauna

The website bills this infrared sauna as an “alternative healing therapy” for your pet, which makes it hard to poo-poo—who doesn’t want their pet to feel happy and comfortable? But really—that’s what sunbeams and heating vents are for. And blankets. And clean baskets of laundry. And (let’s be honest) humans in bed.

Super luxurious pet bowl

Doesn’t your dog deserve a designer food and water bowl that costs more than your TV? Well? Doesn’t he?