On Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness “living in the woods” is, well, foundational. “Cabins” are the next level up, so it only made sense that we pay homage to Parks and Recreation’s mustachioed man’s man with these Swanson-esque structures.
It’s made of logs. It’s in America (Category 2 on Ron Swanson’s Pyramid of Greatness). And the water is perfect for fishing. Just don’t eat the fish—it’s for sport.
This no-frills cabin is sufficiently isolated to allow for maximum male bonding time, preferably over a glass of scotch and some bacon-wrapped shrimp.
This island beauty (only accessible by boat) allows you to practice one of Ron Swanson’s Category 5 virtues: self-reliance. Make sure to stock up on a good supply of protein (deer, cow, pig, and chicken) before setting sail.
This is a back-country ski hut named after a nineteenth-century entrepreneur named Billy Tagert, who ran away from home as a child and walked barefoot to the Roaring Fork Valley in 1883. Later, he exacted revenge on a neighbouring postmaster by getting him drunk, stealing all his equipment, and hauling it over treacherous Taylor Pass. Ron Swanson would approve.
If you’re hiking the Appalachian Trail through Virginia's Shenandoah National Park, stay a night at the Pocosin Cabin. It’s rustic, but comfortable, featuring an outdoor firepit (great for cooking protein) and a wood-burning fireplace (perfect for sitting and drinking scotch while extolling the virtues of “full, thick, and square” facial hair).
This one is made mostly of windows, not logs, but the Glass House in Richland Centre, Wisconsin, really makes it easy to feel like you’re living in the woods, Swanson-style. The outdoor charcoal grill doesn’t hurt either.
This might be a bit upscale for true Swanson-ites, but Emerald Lake Lodge was founded more than a century ago by the legendary (and bearded) Alberta guide Tom Wilson, and has a bar salvaged from an 1890s Yukon saloon. Plus, the dining room serves elk and caribou.
We figure Ron Swanson would be right at home in most of Alberta, even if America is really “the only country that matters.” These rustic cabins do require an 11-kilometre hike to get to them, though, so you’ll be violating the Category 7 virtue of Stillness (don’t waste energy unless necessary).