Animals. Canât live with âem, canâtâŚno, wait. You can live with themâand at the cottage, you have to. Getting along with your human neighbours usually takes a little compromise; so does getting along with your animal neighbours. âWhen people pay me to help them deal with their wildlife conflicts, theyâre also paying me to educate them,â says Gary Ure, the owner of Second Nature Wildlife Management in Gananoque, Ont. âYou do have to co-exist with them. Part of that is understanding the biology of the animal.â The other part is realizing that easy solutions rarely work, but persistence and attention to detail does. You donât have to be smarter than ânuisanceâ wildlife and cottage pests. You just have to be more determined. And, sometimes, you have to pick your battles.
1. PESKY PILEATED WOODPECKER
Typical MO Â Hammers the life out of your siding, either to get at tasty carpenter ants, or while drumming in spring to establish territory and announce itself to mates.
What to do  Say thank you. If Woody is going after ants, he has informed you of a potential infestation. And rest assured that spring drumming wonât last through the summer. (At least not to the same degree: woodpeckers do peck wood.) But we get itâthatâs not much consolation if a woodpecker destroys all the knots in your cedar. Like other birds, woodpeckers will become habituated to, and then ignore, most deterrents. But something thatâs motion- or sound-activated could work, says Doug Tozer of Birds Canada.
2. CLEVER BEAR
Typical MO Â Breaks into the cottage; ransacks it looking for food.
What to do  The best way to deal with a problem bear is to avoid creating one in the first place. Get rid of all bear attractants outside the cottage. That is, get rid of anything that smells remotely edible, unless you can store it in a bear-proof container. Also get rid of bear attractants inside the screened porchâgasoline, empty beer cans, fridges. (Donât ever leave a bucket of fish inside the porch. Ask us how we know.) When thereâs the possibility of food around, bears are tenacious and âwill absolutely problem solve,â says Mike Webb, a wildlife management expert on Vancouver Island. They can learn how to open car doors. They can learn to recognize coolers and McDonaldâs bags. âAnd once a bear starts to get food from a human source, it starts to view that food as its food,â he says. (A food-conditioned bear wonât necessarily attack, but youâre still best to not interrupt its meal.) Even if you or your lake neighbours have never had bear problems, it doesnât mean that you never will. Black bears are more likely to turn to human food sources when their natural sources are lowâfor example, in the summer thanks to a poor berry crop, or in the fall when thereâs an acorn shortage. Â
5 misconceptions about bears
3. ARMY OF CARPENTER ANTS
Typical MO Â Tunnels into damp wood to make their nests; alerts you to the fact that your cottage may have a moisture problem. (âSee? Weâre helping.â)
What to do  If you see one or two large ants, they might just be workers on a recon mission for food. You can let them go about their business. But if youâre seeing them frequently, you probably have a nest in the cottage. Locate it: check near windows or doors, in the bathroom, or in wall voids, and search for fine sawdust, a.k.a. frass. Carpenter ants donât eat the wood as they excavate. They chew it up and spit it out, often outside the nest entrance. Getting rid of the ants using bait is unrealistic: âThey donât make bait for carpenter ants,â says Glen Robertson, the owner of Robertson Wildlife & Pest Control in Coldwater, Ont. Well, they do. Itâs just that these are the fussiest of all ants and will merrily ignore bait in favour of any other crumb of food that they can find (so keep things clean). You donât want to let a carpenter ant infestation get out of controlâthey cause structural damage. Call an expert.
4. PILE OF CLUSTER FLIESÂ
Typical MO Â Moves into the cottage undetected in the fall, then emerges on mild winter or early spring days to confuse you. Why are you here, flies? Thereâs still snow on the ground.Â
What to do  Nothing, unless you want to. Cluster flies, while disgusting, donât breed indoors; they donât bite; they donât get into food. By the time prime cottage season has rolled around, âtheyâll have just died or left,â says Steve Ball Sr., the owner of BugMaster Pest Control in Kelowna, B.C. But not before annoying the hell out of you with all of their clustering around windows, while buzzing really loudly, in between sluggishly flying through the cottage and crashing into stuff. Like your lampshades. And your face. âTheyâre the worldâs worst fliers,â says Ball Sr. You can swat them and vacuum them up. Then, before next autumn, seal up any cracks and crevices where they can come in. Or hire an expert to spray the exterior of the cottage in the fall. Of course, theyâll use a general, non-selective insecticide. It will kill any insect that comes in contact with it, including, potentially, the beneficial ones.
5. DESTRUCTO RED SQUIRREL
Typical MO  Chews its way into your cottage through roof or attic vents; falls down the chimney; wanders through an open window. Â
What to do  A loose red squirrel when youâre at the cottage is a non-problem. âConfine it to a room and open a window,â says Gary Ure. âPeople think, âOh no, more are going to come in!ââ They wonât. If that doesnât work, you can set a live trap in the room, âand release it right out the door,â says Ure. âThat particular squirrel? Your cottage is the last place heâll come back to.â Far worse is if a single squirrel is trapped in your cottage for weeks when youâre not there to let it loose. One squirrel can cause bear-level destruction. And then die, leaving you to find its corpse. If youâre going to be away from the cottage for any length of time, make sure the chimney is capped; consider covering chewable screens with sturdier hardware cloth. âIâve had clients whoâve pulled back the blankets on their bed to reveal a pile of bones and fur,â says Ure. Ack! Well, itâs better than a horse head.
Cottage Q&A: Relocating red squirrels
6. ANY AMOUNT OF SKUNKS
Typical MO Â Hunker down underneath your deck or shed. And fill you with fear. Because skunk spray to the face!
What to do  Hereâs what not to do: corner a skunk. Spraying âis usually their last resort,â says Gary Ure. Give them an escape route. Theyâll take it. And watch their body language: skunks raise their tails and stamp their feet as a warning. If you suspect skunks are denning under the cottage in the spring, âninety-nine per cent of the time itâs going to be a mother and babies,â says Ure. And the gang will probably leave by the end of June, in which case you can then safely skirt the underside of the building. Alternatively, you can make the space less cozy. Denning critters are drawn to dark, cluttered spaces, so clear out lumber or anything that youâre storing. If your skunk is a single adult male that has found himself a hidey-hole in one corner, you might have to take more labour-intensive measures. Remove deck boards to let in light; soak the area with a hose. Make him uncomfortable.
7. HUNGRY HUNGRY DEER
Typical MO Â Eat every plant in your garden. Even the plants that are allegedly âdeer-proof.â
What to do  Exclusionâsurrounding your garden with an unjumpable, minimum eight-foot-high fenceâis the best sure-fire way to protect it. Like many mammals, and the characters on The Walking Dead, deer base their diet on how starving they are. Ringing the herbs, flowers, or vegetables that you want to grow with deer-proof plants (smelly plants; thorny plants) can work. But it will fail in a situation where the deer population booms and food sources become scarce. Another option is to feed the deer with âsacrificeâ plants that theyâll eagerly eat instead of the plants that you actually care about. Everybody wins! At least until the deer mow down all the sacrificial plants.
Wild Profile: Meet the yellow-bellied sapsucker
8. THIRSTY SAPSUCKER
Typical MO Â Drills into your favourite tree in spring, creating sapwells to feed itself and other early-season migrants.Â
What to do  Nothing. Sapsucker gotta do sapsucker. You canât stop it. These woodpeckers target a particular tree and go to town on it because it produces plentiful sap, says bird expert Doug Tozer. âThink: youâve found a great new coffee shop with coffee thatâs cheap and really tasty. Would you never go back?â You could attempt to cover the damaged area with burlap, says Tozer, âbut sapsuckers often just build wells elsewhere on the same tree.â Healthy, native trees can usually survive the woodpeckerâs eat-a-thon, plus, as Tozer points out, itâll give you a chance to ogle other pretty species drawn to the sapâthe mourning cloak butterfly and the ruby-throated hummingbird.
9. PORCUPINE PORKING OUT
Typical MO Â Skins the bark off your favourite tree and eats the cambium, the living part of it.Â
What to do  Porcupines are excellent climbers, so wrap the bottom of the trunk with something thatâs hard to climb, such as metal flashing. (Wire mesh? Yeah, thatâs basically a ladder for a porcupine.) Keep in mind that if you leave the flashing around a growing tree permanently, you could risk girdling it when the trunk gets too big, says Sylvia Greifenhagen, a forest health researcher with the MNRF. Plus, âdirect sun on shiny flashing might cause the bark to warm up too much, causing sunscald, which is also damaging to the living bark.â Happily, âif the porky has only stripped bark from some of the upper branches, the tree will be okay,â says Greifenhagen. Prune to get rid of dead branches. Similarly, âsmall patches of stripped bark on the main stem will not kill the tree; the nutrient and water âhighwayâ has not been disconnected.â Trim small patches of ragged bark and let the wounds heal on their own.
10. A SINGLE RACCOONÂ
Typical MO Â Knocks over your garbage cans. Oh, trash panda. But worse? Uses your attic like its own personal bathroom. Gross. And kind of insulting.
What to do  Determine how yours gained access. Unfortunately, raccoons donât need an existing opening, or even anything chewable, to break in. They use their humanoid front paws to pry boards loose and pull apart flimsy soffit vents. âRaccoons have dexterity like you wouldnât believe,â says B.C. wildlife expert Mike Webb. âAnd they can climb anything that isnât cement.â Theyâre also very smart. âThey remind me of the raptors in Jurassic Park.â Theyâll methodically test your roof for weak spots until they find one. A single adult raccoon, coming and going only to use the bathroom, is easier to evict than a family. If you know the attic is empty, you can seal it up. But youâll need to deal with the mess. Raccoons carry parasites, so this could be a Haz-Mat suit situation. âYou may want to hire a professional company to do the cleanup,â says Webb.
11. GAGGLE OF CANADA GEESE
Typical MO Â Gathers on your lawn or swim raft. And craps everywhere.
What to do  Ultimately, habitat modification is more effective than anything else. Geese eat grass, so, âhaving no lawn will help,â says Nathan Clements, a biologist with the Canadian Wildlife Federation in Regina. If youâre desperate to keep your lawn, mow less; geese prefer young shoots (old grass is fibrous and disgusting). As for the raft? âThis is a tough one,â says Clements. The problem is twofold. One: geese are smart enough to know a sweet hangout when they see it. âA raft surrounded by water is essentially a predator-free island roost spot to a Canada goose,â says Kiel Drake of Birds Canada. Two: geese are smart enough to see through any of your tricksâdonât bother installing an owl decoy. âTheyâll quickly learn to ignore inactive threats and hazing,â says Drake. Creating a physical barrier to the raft can work. You can DIY it by installing support posts in each corner and stringing lengths of rope around the perimeter that are removable when you want to use the raft. Drastic and excessive? Not really. âIn some agricultural regions, pneumatic cannons are used to scare geese,â says Drake. âBut I suspect that wouldnât suit folksâ taste in cottage country.âÂ
12. FRANTICALLY! SWOOPING! BAT!
Typical MO Â Gets into the living room, then proceeds to flap around, puzzled, not understanding that it could just go out the way that it came in.
What to do  One bat could mean lots of bats, so be alert for signs of an infestationâoutside, youâd see them coming and going from your cottage at dusk and dawn, and youâd start to notice the foul stench of guano and urine. âBats tend to arrive with the first insect hatch in the spring,â says Second Natureâs Gary Ure. Mama bats are looking for a place to call home to deliver and raise their babies. On the other hand, a single bat may have accidentally entered the cottage via the chimneyâoops! As long as you know that the bat hasnât come into contact with anyone (because rabies), just offer it a more obvious exit optionâopen a door or windowâand be patient. If it refuses to move and simply clings to the wall, cover it with a plastic containerâUre suggests an empty Tupperware or a margarine tubâand slide a sturdy piece of cardboard, such as a flattened box, underneath. (Wear thick gloves.) Release it outdoors. Go catch yourself your body weight in mosquitoes and other nuisance bugs, little buddy!
Help! A bat has found its way into my cottage!
13. A MURDER OF CROWS
Typical MO Â Caws incredibly loudly early in the morning while youâre trying to sleep. Are they screaming at you? Are they screaming at each other? Doesnât matter. It murders your eardrums.
What to do  Buy ear plugs, and wait it out; crows get especially noisy during the spring breeding season (April to June) when theyâre trying to advertise their territory. But crows, being very smart, are trainable. So repeatedly shooing them away could actually deter them, says Kevin McGowan, an ornithologist with the Cornell Lab of Ornithology who has studied crows for more than 30 years. That said, ultimately habitat modification is your best long-term option. Donât make your property an appealing option for the crows. Get rid of accessible food sources: compost, garbage, and dog food. If you have bird feeders, switch to safflower seed, which crows donât like as much.
14. HARMLESSLY TERRIFYING YELLOWJACKETS
Typical MO Â Hover uncomfortably close; interfere with your outdoor meals; do unexplainable things like hide in the finger of a gardening glove, and then punish you for not somehow just knowing that they are inside.
What to do  Donât freak out when a wasp comes near you. In most cases, ignore it, and itâll go away. Caveat: at a late-season barbecue, yellowjackets are attracted to the food (their natural sources are dwindling). Simple DIY pop bottle yellowjacket traps baited with a sweet liquid can work, but Steve Ball Sr. recommends a âbag trapâ such as Rescue! Disposable Yellowjacket Trap; it lures, then drowns, the wasps. âThey contain pheromones of a queen,â he says. âI have seen those things absolutely full.â Hang the bags within 20 feet of an outdoor eating area. Traps might keep yellowjackets from crashing your parties, but it wonât stop
them from putting themselves in positions where theyâre going to get squished. âIn early spring, they explore all kinds of cavities when trying to establish a nest site,â says Rob Currie, a professor in the department of entomology at the University of Manitoba. âIn mid-summer, theyâre looking for food and can accidentally get trapped.â Oh. Well, fair enough.
15. SNAPPING TURTLE THATâS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOUÂ
Typical MO Â Largely ignores you, but startles you when you spot one swimming near your dock.
What to do  High five anyone around you. Snapper numbers are dwindling, and the fact that one is in your lake suggests that the water quality is good. And then be coolâitâs incredibly rare for a snapping turtle to bite a swimmer. âOn land, theyâre big, lumbering things,â says Sue Carstairs, the executive director of the Ontario Turtle Conservation Centre. So biting is their only defense when theyâre threatened. But in the water, theyâre agile. âTheyâd rather just swim away,â says Carstairs. Even if a snapper does approach you, investigating, itâs not going to mistake your fingers for prey. Snapping turtles know what fish look like. They have eyes. Still, donât attempt to feed or pet a snapping turtle; donât pick it up by its tail and relocate to another part of the lake. Weâre embarrassed for all of humanity having to give this kind of PSA. But people do ridiculous things.
This article was originally published in the March/April 2022 issue of Cottage Life.

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