Let’s all pray this testicle-eating fish never makes it to Canadian lakes

A freshwater fish with eerily human-like teeth has been spotted in the River Seine in Paris recently. The pacu, an omnivorous fish normally found in the Amazon, has made its way to foreign waters, with sightings as far north as Sweden.

The fish is a relative of the piranha, although experts say that pacu are less likely to attack humans. But when they do, they mean business. According to fish expert Henrik Carl, “there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off.”

The terrifying fish gave swimmers in Lake Lou Yaeger, Illinois, a scare last summer when a few were caught by local fishermen, apparently dumped in the lake by interfering humans. So thankfully, they’re not, in theory, migrating up the continent this very minute.

Still, if they ever do make it to cottage country, let’s hope our Canadian otters can take them out as effectively as the Brazilian ariranha* can.

(*Ariranhas are giant otters that destroy pacu like it’s their job.)