“Have the conversation, not the argument,” is one of Alyson Schafer’s favourite maxims. The lifelong cottager, family counsellor, and parenting expert on The Marilyn Denis Show, says that open communication and negotiation, along with a few other tips and tricks, can do a lot to help kids remain eager cottage-goers.
Plan and compromise
As kids develop divergent interests, talk about which activities or events in the city are most important to them. Kids understand reasonable compromise, especially if parents frame it as, “Let’s work out a schedule so you’re not begging every weekend to stay home and we’re not feeling badly that you’re missing out.”
Get social
To alleviate kids’ social FOMO, let them bring friends up to the cottage occasionally. You can also encourage friendships with peers on the lake, says Schafer. “Post-pandemic, we’re all socially rusty. Now’s the time, parents, to plan something fun—a corn boil, outdoor movies, or a regatta—and drop off invites at the cottages around you.”
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Encourage tech breaks
They won’t develop a love of the lake by lying around on Snapchat all day. Still, banning tech outright at the cottage isn’t always realistic. Try easing into it with tech-free days or even just afternoons, suggests Schafer.
Relax your usual rules
You can modify your usual parenting style at the cottage without worrying about sending the wrong message. “Children have no problem dealing with different rules at home and at the cottage,” says Schafer. Being a bit less involved with your kids, even if that’s not your style at home, is beneficial to everyone. “When the wind blows up and kids have to figure out how to get back in the canoe, or the boat motor dies and they have to ask for help from a passing boater, those experiences help kids understand they can manage tricky situations,” she says.
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Give them purpose and meaning
Whether it’s babysitting, giving boat tours, or doing laundry at the lodge (as Schafer did as a teen), a job connects kids with the community. A sense of accomplishment can also come from building a shed together or even doing chores. “Parents sometimes think their job is keeping kids entertained,” says Schafer. “Kids don’t want that. They want to feel useful.”
This article was originally published in the August 2023 issue of Cottage Life.
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