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What your coffee says about you
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What your cup of coffee says about you

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The modern java world truly is a playground for coffee fans. But despite the myriad choices available, most coffee drinkers have a tried-and-true brew that they favour. Their preferred cup of coffee is like that old sweater they’ve had since college. They know they should try on a new one, but it’s just so darn comfortable that they keep slipping it back on. But you may be surprised to learn that your coffee habits tell a much larger story about your personality. Here’s what your signature style of coffee is saying about you.

Black as coal

You’re a no-nonsense, no frills individual. You like things simple, the way they were obviously intended to be. All of the coffee add-ons are just elaborate distractions from poor-quality brews. Coffee should be strong and bitter, and you’re eager to debate the issue with lovers of froth and foam. When that’s settled, you can move on to arguments about politics, the shocking lack of culture in the world, and all the ways we’re going to hell in a handbasket.

Brimming with organic goat milk and stevia

You are 100% hippie. Don’t be offended; it’s not a dirty word. But you definitely verified half a dozen times that the coffee was sustainably grown. You’re probably sitting at a locally owned café owned by an overly friendly couple you’re on a first name basis with. It’s just nice enough to provide a chill atmosphere, but not so trendy that it will attract hipsters and posers. You make a point of greeting all the regulars while you pour over funding documents for the small not-for-profit you started. You’re actually feeling a little guilty about the stevia, but there was no agave nectar on hand so your principles had to suffer slightly for the sake of a caffeine fix.

Microwaved for the third time this morning

Chances are you’re prone to procrastination and have difficulty focusing on one task at a time. You put the coffee on and then scooted off to do some laundry. By the time you remembered your java craving, you were engrossed in a new book. And you never took the laundry out of the dryer! Now you’re on the phone with your mother and it’s the perfect time to savour some coffee. If you could only remember where you put it. Alternatively, you may be a parent with more than one child under the age of six. In which case, you’re lucky it’s only your third re-heat—and that you’re not wearing the coffee by now.

Piled high with whipped cream and flavoured syrup

When you order or prepare one of these babies, what you’re saying to the world is “I really wanted a massive piece of cake in the middle of the day, but that’s not socially acceptable so I settled for a liquid sugar rush instead.” While many might not consider your drink of choice to be coffee in the strictest sense, at least you have the courage to embrace your inner child. You’re a joyful, social person who equates a coffee treat with quality friend time. Your whipped cream moustache comes complete with gossip, emotional support, and lots of laughs.

Spiked with a shot of booze

You’re tough and sarcastic and not afraid to admit you like a little kick with your morning coffee. It’s noon somewhere, so go ahead and pass the Baileys and the Irish whisky. You’re not afraid to stand up for yourself, and you never take guff from anyone. You have a bit of a devilish streak, but it’s all in good fun. If there is office mischief, cottage pranks, or some type of hooliganism going down, it’s a sure bet you’re at the centre of it.

Two creams, two sugars please

You’re a “play it safe” person who doesn’t enjoy extremes. A black coffee is much too bold a statement, and a syrupy concoction is unappealingly decadent. With coffee and in life, you feel better doing what everybody else is doing. When you never mix it up, you never get burned, but you rarely feel the thrill of experiencing new things. Once in a while you might want to play the rebel and order an espresso or a mochaccino.

Cold as ice

If you’re an iced coffee fanatic, you wear your trendiness like a badge of honour. How can you resist the lure of an iced mocha when it sounds so cool to say and you look like a celebrity as you sip it in your oversized sunglasses? If it’s really, really hot outside—and you have an aversion to lemonade—iced coffee is the perfect caffeine-fix quencher. But be advised that many daily drinkers are more statement makers than true coffee fans.

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