Advice for Richard Handl

A Swedish man, Richard Handl, was arrested for trying to split atoms in his kitchen. Sweden’s Radiation Authority learned of his activities when he asked if his hobby was legal. Had he asked us at Cottage Life, here’s what we’d have advised:

• Do experiment with molecular gastronomy. Don’t experiment with atomic gastronomy.
• Do make dishes from scratch. Don’t make elements from scratch.
• Split bananas, not atoms.
• A microwave oven should not actually “nuke” food.
• Do try to conserve energy when cooking. Don’t generate energy when cooking.
• Don’t test for doneness using a Geiger counter.
• Do wear an apron–cloth, not lead. Don’t wear a gas mask, safety goggles, or a Haz-Mat suit.
• If you’re considering installing an eye wash station in your kitchen, it’s a bad sign.

What advice would you give Mr. Handl?